I'd like to start by saying that thanks to a certain someone (real name still unknown) i have just finished reacquiring all my belongings from several large men in black suits, and am glad to say i've recovered a good 25% from the thorough cavity search by a surprisingly warm handed agent...
details are a little fuzzy..but apparently my connections with a certain conspiracy theorist led them to question my presence in this country. Pain and curtness followed and here i am after what i think may have been a form of one night stand...however they did mention they would be monitoring my existence, and are all quite surprised that my primitively crude blog is the only real public outsource for a red level threat to the american government...be ye warned, trapper/master of crocket like muppets...really wish i'd have dropped that damn microwave arguement...could have saved me a lot of trouble.
On another note:
i'm a full sailer now!
i was unlocking my bike from a light post in the parking lot and some dude with a badge comes up to me and is like: "you live in the area" and i was all: "what?" even though i totally heard what he said the first time, i just couldn't believe he was asking me anything for he was the type that i would never have guessed to be chatting with because they intimidate me. and so he's like: "do you live in the area?" and i was all: "yeah i live on goldenrod it's like..." then i pointed in the wrong direction because i don't know shit about north and south and all that. and he was like: "oh, well i just li--o-r--ere--" he mumbled as he unlocked his bike from the same light post and walks away. as if i was the one to initiate the stupid conversation in the first place and that i didn't really have a right in knowing the information. i didn't really know what the think of the whole situation.
oh no. i wonder if because i had such an awkward time GETTING the badge, it will only create awkward situations between me and the people who see that i have one and attempt to strike up conversation with me...its an awkward badge. a badge of awkwardness. when i was getting it, my contacts were killing me , causing my eyes to water and feel as though i had something lodged in my eye...which i did..a thin piece of wet magnifying plastic i put there voluntarily, actually...can't say i don't deserve that...anyways, the dude before me got the whole, "smile dude! Ok, thats great, now look just a little to the right, great, and smiiile" so when i get up there, i expect the same treatment. i go stand in front of the red square and turn to face the camera only to be completely blinded by the overly bright halogen that instantly dried up my over-worn contacts even more than before. So now most of my senses are down, and i'm focusing on not looking like a retard, because i realized that i totally was looking like a retard before. I stood there for another 10 seconds, trying to understand what the dude was mumbling as he stared directly into his computer clicking away. finally he turns to me and says: "you're done pal." with the tone that he's already said that clearly in one of his other incoherent mumblings. OH! Well thanks a lot, DICK! turns out he had snapped the photo during the period of time BEFORE i realized i was looking like a retard...figures. no worries...its only the badge i have to wear on campus 24/7 for the next 2 years of my life. i'll use it to demonstrate how much i've evolved.
then, eyes watering i signed a whole bunch of other papers people threw in my face as i headed for the door. the good news is that i probably made everyone in that room feel great that i agreed to every club and free checking account they had to offer...all i really wanted was to flush away the crispy lens crusted to my eyeballs.
and thats that.
1 comment:
I'm concerned....you haven't even started classes yet and you're blogging stuff I don't even know how to respond to at this point!! there's a conspiracy afoot here. my passwords are never accepted...so, this is from mamagooch in case you're wondering!
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