Episode 21: Warm Fuzzy Feeling

So, Once Upon a Mattress is over. Our final production finished, our last curtain call over. I'll be frank:

IT WAS THE TIME OF MY LIFE

Never before have I felt so strongly about how something has had a serious impact on my life. This production has sculpted my life and how I always want it to be. The people are incredible, the play was phenomenal, the fun, never-ending. The bond the cast had with each other brings a tear to my eye. I love everyone in that damn play...especially the girls...because they're superfine.

But, now it is over. I have to move on. My weekends are open, and The Importance of Being Earnest and Tam-Lin are the only things that allow me still to be emerged in the theatrical way of life that I love so much. Well SHIT. I'm sure as hell going to miss Once Upon a Mattress...I guess thats all I really have to say.

The next big question: "Do I even have a life anymore?" Tehe, let the adventures begin.

Big news: I have become utterly obsessed with the new "Charlie and The Chocolate Factory" teaser trailer. http://www.aintitcoolnews.com/display.cgi?id=18971 Maybe its just that damn theme song, but I love watching it over and over again. And besides that, Johnny Depp looks so damn cool in it. You may look at it and think: "Cool? WTF is he talking about?" But it's true, I can't wait to be amused by his amazing characterization skills. Johnny Depp could easily make me re-idolize Willa Wonka all over again.

~fuckin a

....god damn..i'm gonna miss Once Upon a Mattress

Episode 4556: Voyeur! Right At Home!

you HAVE to check this out:
http://cateye.msu.montana.edu/
that page gives you control of a webcam on the Montana State University Campus. you can actually WATCH people walk around and shit. I discovered it 1st hour in Mrs. Dunlaps room. I spent the rest of the hour following unsuspecting people around all over campus. I'm a little bummed that its not too lively right now...seeing as how it would be 3 am there..but still..its awesome. You can even take pictures.

It makes you realize that you're never fucking alone. Someone is always watching you. What are the chances that you, all the way in fucking montana, are being watched by a Junior in a high school composition class in Fairfield fucking Iowa...WTF!??! Think about it...and I mean REALLY think about it. If you do it correctly, you should become extremely creeped out.



I'm going to check back in on this door tomorrow afternoon...we'll see if we get any action.
Now...back to Halo 2 on Xbox Live...

Episode 3456: International Ass-Kicking

I have...experienced. And its grand. I can't quite describe the feeling, but I'm pretty sure it looks a bit like this:

(However big a smile this brings to your face, was how happy I was tonight)

After a little bit of dilema's involving computer shit that no-one knew, Kris Johnson and I finally were able to log onto Xbox Live. I kid you not...if you were to be in the room as we finally accomplished this feat, you would think lower of us. Our excitement exceeded that of God's Given Limit of Excitement for an Online Game. But our hype was easily matched by Xbox's awesome online capabilities. Right off the bat, Kris and I were forming alliances with team members and roaring into battle on Warthogs...it was great. Until I had this 12 year old kid that tried to command the entire damn team, so I drove the fucker off a cliff...aaaahhhhh satisfaction. Its ass-kicking all of the world! I can't wait to rub it in Chris Poole's face...MUTHA FUCKA! thats what you get for pussying out a good 3 minutes too soon.

Lunch today was incredibly fun. Heated discussions about Link, seeing Nandi cry with laughter, and general talk about badasses...isn't that what lunch is all about? Well it damn well should be. I feel like i've been missing out for the past 11 years, and have now realized what the cafeteria is really for!! Now that i've experienced this, I'm afraid all my other lunches will feel lackluster, because thats the way shit goes in my life. SUMBITCH.

My General Mood:

Episode 9: Tribute to Godliness

Behold, the greatest gift to man. Sour...THEN sweet. Those of you who know me, undoubtedly know my infatuation for Sour Patch Kids. They are exquisite. Some need to know things involved with Sour Patch Kids:

1. These, are NOT Sour Patch Kids. These disgustingly vile pieces of shit are called, Sour Jacks. An obvious attempt to copy Sour Patch Kids. I don't care which came first. If you have a choice between Sour Jacks, and nothing at all when you're craving Sour Patch Kids, choose nothing at all.
2. The best tasting Sour Patch Kids in Fairfield, are available in the large bag priced at 1.26 at Caseys on Highway 1 and 34. These are also the best priced. Other Sour Patch Kid varieties are a medium bag at Highway 34 bp, and Kwik Stop on Highway 34. They are priced at 75 cents, and are of the same quality as the big bag, only more expensive. The last bag, the worst quality, but the cheapest, can be found at the University bp, for 59 cents. These SPK are more stale, and definately a less tastier candy.
3. Once Upon a Time, I came across an entire 5 pound box of Sour Patch Kids. If anyone has the whereabouts where one can purchase this bulk box, please inform me poste haste.
4. Sour Patch Kids Flavor Ratings:
   Orange, The Tastiest
   Yellow, Close Second
   Red, Close Third
   Green, Close Fourth
5. Now, obviously, there are a variety of ways to consume a Sour Patch Kid. My method would be to eat ONE AT A TIME, chewing each one slowly, then swallowing. Others can tend to SUCK until all the sugar coating is gone, then chewing the rest. You decide. WARNING: Always Be Sure To Alternate Positions In Your Mouth When Consuming This Candy! If One Location Is Used For An Entire Bag (Or, In My Case, An Entire 5 Pound Box) Serious Tongue Pains Can Ensue!

there you have it, the need to knows on a need to have candy. Go out and get you rSour Patch Kids today!

~fuckin a

Episode 3: Excuse Me

Sadly enough, I have considered giving this blog out for people to read. So I made this post in case that day is ever to occur.

You may ask why I, someone who actually can't stand the thought of a blog, decided to have one. Well, it is simple: I was bored. Suuuure, thats what they all say? Yeah, well..it is what they all say, and I've given in. Though I solemly swear never to "emote" on one of these blasted things..because that is just lame.

I needed somewhere to write my ideas, and accompany them with pictures and links. This seemed perfect. And until I can beg enough money from my parents to get a website, this is where I shall stay.

LOOK!



~fuckin a

Episode 548: The Most Beautiful Things Are The Hardest To Understand...

HOLD THE PHONE!

EXIBIT A: [the last time i saw lindsey lohan]



EXIBIT B: [as of last night]




See any new additions? I'll give you a hint:



So, there I was, watching television, when a music video of Lindsay Lohan's new songs came on. I was like:

"Oh, there is that cute little girl from Parent Trap"

then...BOOM!

they hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt as if i were sinning, or committing some sort of terrible crime, for I could not stop staring at the little girl from Parent Trap's marvelous breasts!

My life was immediately filled with terrible complications, and wonderful luscious distractions. I couldn't stop thinking about them. The reason for this is, obviously, because my feeble mind cannot comprehend the phenomenal wonder that is the female breast. Therefore, my obsession and deep investigation on the matter ensues even now with more determination than ever before. Now if you'll excuse, I'm going to dive into this project immediatly.

~fuckin a

Episode 1097: Going and going and going

Ahem....

This is the song that never ends.It goes on and on my friends.Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll CONTINUE singing it forever just because,

This is the song that never ends.It goes on and on my friends.Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll CONTINUE singing it forever just because...

Good...i'm glad thats cleared up. Sad thing is...it is these kind of things that make me look forward to lunch every damn day...tomorrow i'm going to make someone eat a raw egg...



I can't understand how this didn't scare me as a child....

Episode 888: Top Ten Biggest Badasses of All Time Special

I'm bored, and I have DSL now, so, in celebration, I've compiled a list.
THE TOP TEN BIGGEST BADASSES OF ALL TIME!


10.[eDWARD sCISSORHANDS]

Johnny Depp was going to make the list no matter what. He probably would make it 3 or 4 times. But since there is allowed only one character per actor, Edward Scissorhands is by far his most badass roll. Not only can he kick ass, he gets every damn lady in town. Thats just...badass.

9. [lESTER bURNHAM]

Funky dad goes through middle-age crisis, and becomes total badass old guy. Not too mention funny with a conscience. Has a hot wife, drinks raw eggs, and turns down hott virgin teens. Badass Quote: "You don't get to tell me what to do...ever again."

8. [jAMES bOND]

International spy, womanizer, vodka drinker, gun shooter, bomb deployer, witty sumbitch. James Bond is the shit in almost every aspect. Which is saying a lot for a British dude. The world need saving? Call on Bond. Bonus points for clever remarks after defeating each badguy and/or getting a woman in bed.

7. [tYLER dURDEN]

Leader of a cult, serious ass kicker, and you don't have to be fruity to admit that he looks damn good without a shirt on. Bonus points for the coffee cup robe.

6. [jULES wINNFIELD]

Preaching the bible before killing his prey. What is more badass than that? Apparently 5 other things...but its a lot more badass than everything else in the world! Bonus points for the "Bad Mother Fucker" wallet.

5. [wESTLEY]

No doubt about it, Westley easily makes the top 10 badasses. A pirate, undeniably charming, best swordsman in the land, slayer of giants, immune to poison, and looks damn good in a mask. Badass Quote: "NO! To the pain!"

4. [lEGOLAS]

Total badass. <--Is that getting repetitive? I think not. He's an elf, what more is there to say? He's SO badass, he can do an entire trilogy with long shiny blonde hair, and no one doubts his sexuality. Everyone knows that once Legolas goes back to the forest, illegitimate elf babies are made...then sent to Keebler.

3. [tHE tERMINATOR]

Robot from the future coming back to kill...and kick ass all the time. Don't even fuck around with this one. He's badass, that settles it. Bonus points for taking a bullet to the face, followed by: "Don't do dat"

2. [dARTH vADER]

The strongest force of evil, yet, the ultimate good. All badass. He can use the force, and chop off his son's hand without even being phased. Not to mention overpower his master and toss him to his doom. Badass Quote: "Do not underestimate the power of the dark side."

1. [lINK]

Straight from the Legend Of Zelda, this badass fights every monster ever to roam Hyrule and other worlds, has a hott princess lover in every adventure, sports a huge arsenal of weapons, travels through time, controls the weather, plays a mean Ocarina and any other instrument, wields crazy cool magic...shit...this badass mother fucker does everything, he can even wear a tunic without getting shit from no one. Link is, THE biggest badass of all time, no doubt about it.

There you have it. The top ten badasses of all time. Admire them, idolize them. And most of all, aspire to be just like them.

rUNNER uPS:

1. mASTER cHIEF
2. jAMES bOND
3. mARTY mCFLY

~fuckin a

Episode 698: Homage to Michael J. Fox

I was thinking about how badass Michael J. Fox was, when I realized I didn't know much about the guy anymore. Ever since he contracted Parkinsons, the poor bastard has faded away from the fame and glory he deserves. So, I did a little research.

Michael J. Fox has gone on and founded the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinsons Research. For those of you who don't know what Parkinson's is, I will shed some of my own observations on the matter: You have uncontrollable seisures, resulting in constant movement of the body. An obviously really shitty disease, and my heart goes out to M.J. for fighting his way.

BEHOLD! A list of some of Michael J. Fox's great movies:


Best damn movie of all time. THIS is why Michael is so damn cool.

Movie where Fox gets ahead in life by fucking his bosses wife...my idol.

Who didn't love this movie? A rock'n'roll loving werewolf!

Peter Jackson and Michael J. Fox combine forces to make a great movie about cool ass ghosts.

I never actually saw this movie...but doesn't M.J. look like a total badass in that helmet?

That was my homage to Michael J. Fox. That and my vest...shit yeah.

~fuckin a

Episode I: Birth

Name: Mitam
Age: 16
Sex: Male
Relationship: Single
Enjoys: Movies, Writing, Girls, Acting, Videogames, Music
Food: Pizza
Vehicle: 1985 Chevy Silverado Suburban
Quote: "Life is a joke, so tell it well"

AKA

Name: Steve
Age: Sparatic
Sex: Not enough
Relationship: Horny as all hell
Enjoys: Zombies, Blowing shit up, Hott chicks, Halo, Army Surplus, Hott chicks, Rock and Roll
Food: Sour Patch Kids
Vehicle: 'Burban
Quote: "Girls, Zombies, and Rock and Roll"

These two alternate personalities battle furiously for control, resulting in the exciting "Pappin Chronicles" The adventures of steve, and the everyday happenings of mitam.

~fuckin a