man o man i LOVE my new ride.
thats a daytime picture for you, in her true glory. i mean, i knew mopeds were fun, but i didn't realize HOW fun until now. I mean, c'mon. Check out my transforming key:
"silly goose, how do you operate a motorized vehicle with that?"
CLICK!! SWISSSH!!
"WAIT, WHAT?!!? O-M-G NO WAAAAAY!!"
yep...based on a conversation i actually had with my own brain.
3 day owner of a moped and i'm ready being treated like crap on the road. Some of you know about my initial adventure as I was pulling out of the parking lot with the moped I had just purchased literally 3 minutes ago, I barely made it a block when a white van sped past me and the floridian handlebar mustache grower hanging out the window hollered: "Strap on your helmet, ASSHOLE!"
At this point I realized that I had unsuccessfully strapped my helmet to my chin, and I desperately fiddled with it before making a u-turn onto SR-50 during Friday rush hour...I felt like a jackass..which I was alright with because i learned a valuable lesson...unfortunately the one dude who had to chance to call me out on it failed to organized his illiterate brains fast enough to generate an actually applicable verbal insult. This confused me greatly and I don't think I'm able to credit this guy for potentially saving my life, but, in FACT, i believe he may have been endangering it more than ever before.
Brain Function: (Searching for correct verb that connects the black thingy around chin....FOUND=HELMET) (Possessive Adjective=ERROR-Can't recall correcting spelling it but sounds like ) (NOUN=That thing I should have worn more as a child...FOUND=HELMET) (Inserting insulting noun WARNING! ABOUT TO BE OUT OF VOCAL DISTANCE! EMERGENCY PROFANITY SELECTION!!!! ACTION=BLURT "ASSHOLE")
Asshole? Really? Does my lack of personal safety serve as an insult to normal society? (I say this as a crotch rocket flies past my apartment complex going 90 in a 35...no helmet at all) Perhaps I'm not properly educated on proper use of the word, but if you're going for effectiveness and relevance i'd be more partial to accept words like:
Jackass
Dumbass
Stupid Ass
or to step away from the donkey slang:
Dipshit
Nimrod
Fuckstick
Tony Danza
all this was going through my head as I was trying to figure out how to secure my helmet strap in the middle of 4 lanes of traffic going in both directions. His inability to think resulted in me having to decipher what just happened at an inopportune moment...who's the asshole now?
9 comments:
don't die.
how long does it take to get to school? all right turns, right? Safety first! What a blast...how fun to drive it on the hard beaches, spray in the face..too bad you can't get it over there...
that's when you stand up on your bike grab your crouch 'I can't hear speak into this'
mother!
haha! jane!!
Jane! So that's where he gets it = P
Haha! Miss you all!
Jane I have never loved you more :) haha, jeez oh man I can see it all so perfectly!
The chin is that jutting out part a bit below your lips and above your neck. The helmet strap should latch under there in such a way that the helmet will remain in place even if you hit a moving van, a brick wall, or a swing set. It isn't usually a complicated affair attaching it correctly, but you do need to use a certain portion of your cerebral cortex for a few seconds to accomplish it. and, it's a good thing to do if you want to keep your cerebral cortex in a more or less functioning mode.
Greg
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