episode 3.666- The Suffering of Being Balanced

i've decided that in order to fully enjoy movies, the complete shite movies must also be watched as well as the great ones to grasp an admirable opinion of movies and the spectrum of their shittiness. allow me to explain:

I see:

the tiger and the snow

so therefore i get to watch:

blades of glory

i see:

the descent

so therefore i allow myself to see:

stay alive

now, lets talk about this last one--what the hell were they thinking? trying to appeal to gamers? any REAL gamer sees how absolutely retarded the game featured in the movie really is, and how far the actors in this movie are from being any sort of "gamer" whatsoever. I mean, the acting was surprisingly good for this kind of movie, but only when they were dealing with would could be considered real life issues. as soon as these kids were expected to know how to hold a videogame controller they look as stupid as redneck trying to give birth to a walrus. the writing also seems to turn to shit halfway through. i was watching, and there was literally a change in angle, where i SWEAR TO GOD, they switched the writers with an autistic plankton, and let it finish the movie. what the hell? and i mean, what the hell? even Jon Foster, an actor i can respect, looked absolutely ridiculous trying to pull off some of the lines he was given: "you die in the game, you die for real!" the epitome of something i read in high school. but my favorite part? the setup:

throughout the movie the detective involved in all the cases linked to the murders happening due to the video game gets more and more suspicious of these kids and how they might be involved. finally, when one of their own police officers dies (he played the game real fast on the laptop and managed to die instantaneously) they swarm the kids apartment with a bunch of swat and officers, guns drawn and everything. they arrive to find the kids have escaped, so in all seriousness, the detective looks to his cronies and says: "Toss the place"

NOW. thinking very strongly that these kids are involved in the murders, you'd think they get started right away trying to find some serious evidence to get them convicted, right? RIGHT! thats why this supercop gets to work right away:

(notice the cop on the right)

FIRST! he checks under this blanket suspiciously draped over the back of this couch. he's got a bad feeling about this couch. however, he makes sure not to disturb it too much until the police arrive...oh wait, dammit. so, he moves on to more pressing matters:

THIS PILLOW! its the couch, i swear to god. cops have a 6th sense about couches. following this, the cop wanders off screen awkwardly, most likely to check under the nearby coasters.

in all seriousness, if i were a director, i would fire this dumbass actor on the spot. "case the place"--"yes sir! i'll check under this pillow and blanket!" another "what the hell were they thinking?" moment. to see this cop in live action: SUPERCOP!

there you have it. the good movies i watch so that i may endure the total crap ones. oh well. someone's gotta watch them.