episode 4.3007-Shedding My Powers

Saw Quantum Identity of Bourne Solace...er, I mean Quantum of Solace, the James Bourne...DAMMIT...James BOND movie tonight.  Can I be more blunt?

Lemme bring you up to speed, Monster Balls sucked.

finding neverland? please...

stay? good god.

what do all these movies have in common?  Well, sucking, and Marc Forster the director.  In hollywood, this concoction equals=GIVE HIM THE FRANCHISE LOVED BY MANY SO HE CAN GET IT WRONG AND RUIN A GOOD TWO YEARS OF WAITING.

James Bond is not Jason Bourne.  Both are awesome secret agents, but both are entirely DIFFERENT awesome secret agents.  You'd think the cast and crew would have realized Marc Forster didn't know what damn movie he was making when he kept referring to Daniel Craig as Matt Damon.  This guy couldn't have gotten James Bond more wrong.  

FIRST OF ALL:

Picking up a camera and shaking it violently during any sort of action sequence does not necessarily represent intensity...idiot.

SECOND: 

James Bond can kick ass, but it's not ALL HE DOES.  I don't give a shit if you're trying to shed a new light on the character of Bond with a whole revenge story.  I think, even in revenge Bond can find time to sit back and relax with a martini or witty one liner.  Daniel Craig's amazing potential for James Bond is wasted on this hour and a half chase scene...which brings me to my next point, otherwise known as

THIRDLY:

For pete's sake stop running!  Get this! Open with a car chase, follow that up with a rooftop chase, directly after that a motorcycle chase...I would keep going on in this fashion but I can't seem to seperate out the rest of the chasing into smaller chasings because it's all one big CHASING in my disappointed brain.

Stunt Guy:  "Alright mr. director, i've choreographed the fight scene to be awesome."

Marc Forster: "Are they running?"

Stunt Guy: "Not this time, I figured..."

Marc Forster: "Look here you twit, I made monster ball's, and got halle berry TOTALLY naked..."

Stunt Guy: "I don't understand how that applys..."

Marc Forster: "Ssssh..."

Yep.  Thats a documented conversation between Marc Forster and his Choreographer.  Apparently after that, Forster designed a contraption that shakes the camera like crazy whenever someone is running...looks kinda like this:

****patented by Marc Forster****

Even if the Choreographer COULD get a word in edgewise, he would soon learn that Marc Forster actually planned on using Computer Animation to do all the best fight scenes in the movie, that Jackie Chan could have done in his sleep.  I would not be suprised if talented stunt men watched this movie, and shot themselves afterwards because they're apparently losing their jobs to pixels.

Don't think I'm being critical.  I just find it necessary to call out filmmakers when they butcher highly potential franchises with what they think is "in" or what they think "audiences will like." A lot of the time, they're wrong, and they go too far to think they can insert their way of thinking into things that I love.  Incredible Hulk? CGI bullhonky.  Quantum of Solace? CGI bullhonky with a "handicam" approach...leave it to Cloverfield and Blair Witch Project to exhaust this stupid camera technique....

I could just be grumpy because this was literally my first movie going experience where I didn't have a giant cup of soda firmly secured in my left hand side cup holder. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I am off soda.  Two weeks strong....I feel tired.  It's like I've given up my super powers to become one of the masses...I go to bed early and wake up to eat breakfast, otherwise I don't make it through the day. 

It came to me in a bunch of signs.  Everywhere I was being bombarded with anti-soda messages.  It might have been brainwashing.  Dear lord, has anyone else quit drinking soda lately???  Seriously, I was going to the fridge to get a coke and I paused for just the slightest second and thought: "It's been two days since I've had any soda."  So, I put the can back and walked away forever...and if that's not bad enough, I even have my own loofa.........oh dear god.  

Topic change.

How 'bout that Halle Berry sex scene in Monster Ball's??