episode 4.123: Self Loathing

I'm pretty upset, and perhaps if I get it out of my system I'll be able to move on with my night and do better things with my life.

Kelsey and I just got back from The Incredible Hulk.  I'm pretty sure if there were any trace of Gamma radiation poisoning in my blood, being in that theatre watching that movie would have easily activated my inner beast, transforming me into a giant green mutant who wanted something chocolate to go with his sour patch kids and popcorn.

I knew something was off when it became quite clear that the sum IQ of all those around me came out to be a paltry 41 points, and thats not counting the children in front of me who hadn't seen their 5th birthday yet.  I've never been so disgusted with people who cheer at previews and kissing scenes.  You could almost smell the reproductive DNA when Liv Tyler showed a little more thigh than normal.  Pathetic.  

Judging from that audience I could tell that i was in (excuse me, mom) a fucking retarded movie.  I was right.  What followed the Marvel logo was a hollow, idiotic, boring, desperate, unimpressive, half-ass, fan reliant mess of a film, with a gargantuan anti-climactic ending.  That right there is an impossibility in itself...the fact that this film could be any where NEAR climactic is hilarious.  I only mean anti-climactic in relation to spending an exhausting two hours on top completely flaccid working towards something of perhaps an arousal but being foiled by something like a Jehovah's witness.  that kind of anti climactic.  (again, sorry mom)

2 hours of product placement and desperate references to please the stupidest of fans can really take a toll on someone who enjoyed the first Hulk as maybe not an accurate adaptation of the incredible green mass, but more of an actual cinematic experience.  I can fully understand that the first Hulk was a little out there.  Bruce's father, what the hell?  3 giant mutant dogs?  Actually, I'd prefer the mutant PoodleHulk to the cliched cop-out of a nemesis in this newer film.  Please.  However, Ang Lee's Hulk was, in my opinion, a visual masterpiece of editing that also captivated the imagination with a combination of visual effects and breathtaking Mother Nature.  The scene of the Hulk bounding across the Utah desert with an awesome reference to comic panels is implanted in my memory for a long time.  Way more so than the Transformer like tactics of this newer Hulk, bounding a mere 15 feet from roof top to roof top, digging his fists into brick walls and bashing his way to the top of buildings.  Then again, I shouldn't say Transformers either, because they were big, this Hulk only grows to be about 9 feet tall with trim features.  There is a very obvious limit to this Hulk, as seen especially in the final battle, whereas Ang Lees Hulk was fueled by rage, the angrier he got, the larger and more unstoppable he became.  That's something I think is more true to not only the Hulk, but real-life rage.

I'm ashamed that my 20 dollars will be included in the statistics that puts the incredible hulk high on the box office charts, for that groups me into a certain cess pool of humanity that I by all means wish to avoid in my career in the film industry.  god give me strength.